How to Use CRM to Ruin Your Sales

Let’s face it- you’re too busy.  You’ve been working hard and your account list is starting to look like the yellow pages for your territory.  With all that work and money you’re making- how are you supposed to have time for the important things- like napping under your desk?  Here’s some tips so you can use your CRM tools to decelerate your sales and free up your time for more important things- like bowling with your high school gym teacher.


1. Complain about having to enter details and data for your opportunities.

Say things like “I’m a salesperson not a data entry specialist!”  This draws attention away from the data-driven sales acceleration tools your CRM tool provides.  These tools will likely boost your win rate as you spend time learning what’s working, where, and why- time better spent in the hammock you put up in the broom closet last year.  Your win rate is high enough already (single digits, baby!), why would you want to cause yourself more stress by having more happy clients?

Be sure to schedule meetings every month or so with the person responsible for managing your CRM tool to have them re-train you on the same topics.  This accomplishes two things-

  • It drives them crazy, and that’s just good clean fun.britney-spears-oops-i-did-it-again.gif
  • It keeps them from feeling confident about making any other changes- like managed opportunity progress indicators, dashboard reports, or other productivity boosters that you don’t want.

2. Use your CRM solely for recording contact information.

This is a handy way to keep your manager off your back.  New contacts make it look like you’re busy, and typing away at the 10-key with Salesforce open completes the facade.  Throw any old business cards on your desk while your at it and no one will suspect you’re listening to March Madness on the bluetooth.  Goodbye cold-calls, hello bracketology.


One other nice thing with this strategy is that it keeps the CRM promises of increased productivity and better relationships with your customers at bay.  If you don’t open new opportunities, you’ll never have to deal with tracking your customers success.  Especially if what you’re selling has a longer sales-cycle, you’ll waste less time looking for project milestones and strategizing.  Since all you have is contact info stored- you can prove that the reports and metric tracking is as useless now as you always knew it was.  That will reflect badly on the manager who made you start using it in the first place, helping you climb that corporate ladder.  Right on!

3. Hammer, meet nail.

CRM’s make things different.  They force salespeople to change how they think about opportunities and blur the lines between sales, marketing, and business analysis.  This is bad for you.  Opening up Pandora’s box of new things to learn could make you wildly successful, and how sustainable is that really?  Rather than be disappointed later- treat CRM the way you treat everything else.  No one can blame you, you’re a sales hammer- and what do hammers do?

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Remember- if all else fails, and you find yourself increasing sales with CRM despite your best efforts- you can always fall back on the old “sales” stereotypes.  Resist change- it could make things work better, and that means more work.  Treat all relationships the same way- with aggressive negotiation and manipulation.  Finally, keep the focus off of you- it’s never your responsibility.  They don’t pay you to think, they pay you to sell!



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